The first mistake that many of us make when we come into the program, is that we think drugs are the problem. When we say to the newcomer that drugs are only a symptom of a much deeper problem (addiction), it is hard for them to understand this.
To get a better understanding of addiction, we must look at the disease concept of addiction. From that point of view, addiction is a disease of attitudes, personality and a general negative outlook, that is rooted in fear, insecurity and low self-esteem. The main ingredients of addiction are obsession and compulsions. Obsession - that fixed idea that takes us back time and time again to our particular drug, or some substitute, (substitute being anything that makes us feel good and get instant gratification, such as money, power, sex, food, anger, etc.) to recap the ease and comfort we once knew. Compulsion - once having started the process with one fix, one pill, one drink or one substitute we cannot stop through our own power of will. Because of our physical sensitivity to drugs and anything that makes us feel good we are completely in the grip of a destructive power greater than ourselves.
Looking at addiction from this point of view, we see how addiction makes our lives unmanageable with or without drugs. At this point we must surrender and accept how powerless we are over our addiction. When we do this a very strange thing happens, we begin to gain power through the (WE) part of the program and the next Eleven Steps. It has often been said that the First Step is our past and the things of our past that are with us today. And the next Eleven Steps are our future.
Now that we have a better understanding of our addiction, let us look at some ways we can apply the First Step in our daily lives. The most obvious is that we can't pick up that first drug or our lives will become unmanageable. We must accept and surrender to this JUST FOR TODAY. Let's now take a look at some non-chemical ways we must apply this Step in our lives.
The First Step can be and must be applied to all areas of our life. This is called Living the Steps. The bottom line is that drugs are one symptom of our disease. The only relief we get from our disease is by working the Steps. It is a new and exciting experience that will bring many changes into our lives. The following questions you are to write about on a separate sheet of paper and return to your sponsor.
One last thing that must be pointed out is the WE portion of this Step and all our Steps. All our Steps begin with WE except the 12th, which has the word WE in the center. This makes us different than any other 12 Step program. Narcotics Anonymous is a WE program not a me program. Part of our strength and power comes from WE. Together we can. I can't, WE can. This is why we need meetings for the rest of our lives. This is why we need contact daily with other recovering addicts. A statement many newcomers may' ask is, "If I stop using,, I should be cured and I don't need the program or meetings anymore." The only way I know to clear up this denial is to answer this way. A non-addict (a non-addict is a person who does not have the addictive personality) who goes to the hospital for an operation is given a physically addictive drug for pain during a period of two weeks. He becomes physically addicted. They detox him and he goes on with his life without any problem. However, addicts with the disease of addiction, having addictive personalities are unable to just stop with no problems, we were addicted long before we used.
The insanity referred to in this step is not the insanity of using drugs. We were restored to the sanity of not using by surrendering to Step 1, we now find ourselves clean and our lives are still unmanageable in many areas. Much of that umanageability comes from doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results each time. Of course, the results are always the same, unmanageability and insanity in our lives. But what is there to do, go on the best we can, or begin to change with the Second Step as our guide through ongoing recovery.
The next question we begin to ask is: What is the power greater than ourselves? Many of us immediately thought this meant our Higher Power, but we are not introduced to a Higher Power until the Third Step. Our Higher Power is the ultimate power greater than ourselves, whatever our concept of a Higher Power is. However, this is not the power greater than ourselves that we are referring to in the Second Step. The best way to explain this is that a power greater than ourselves can change from situation to situation. I like to call it gifts from my Higher Power. A power greater than ourselves can be the NA program, a sponsor, another person, pain or something we may read, etc. It is anything that makes us aware of the insanity of a situation if we act out on a defect or negative will.
Now having an understanding of the Second Step, let's look at some of the ways we can apply the Second Step into our lives.
You can now see a power greater than ourselves can change from, situation to situation. The important thing is to be aware of how to apply this is principle in your life, so that insanity and unmanageability does not take hold. The principle of the step can be a power greater than ourselves.
The following questions, you are to write about on a separate paper and return to your sponsor.
This has often been referred to as a stumbling block of recovery. Many of us just get stuck here and can't seem to move on. The reason for this, as addicts we like to take something simple and complicate it, but it doesn't have to be that way if we become willing and open minded. Now with that in mind let's look at this step, beginning with the word decision. What is a decision? A decision is an action word, it is a beginning, a starting point or looking at it from a point of recovering, it is the time we let go of our old attitudes and let the steps begin to build new attitudes in our lives as we make mistakes and grow in spiritual principles. As you can now see, being willing and open minded is very important as far as decision and the Third Step are concerned. Simply put, a decision is accepting this step into our lives.
The next part of the step we must look at is "To turn our will and our lives." We must ask ourselves, what does the step mean by our will and our lives. Our will is our way of doing things. We always want to fix things to the way we want them, no matter who it hurts or destroys. It comes from the core of our disease, self-centerness. There is only one power that can destroy self-centerness and that is spirituality. We are now beginning to build spirituality in our lives, which we get a realization of its strength and power in the Eleventh Step. Our lives simply mean our day-to-day affairs. Our problems, our worries and our pain.
Now let's look at the words "over to the care of God as we understood Him." Many of us couldn't or wouldn't relate to that word God. By the time we reached NA many of us were Atheist or Agnostic and some of us had a God who was vengeful. Here again is where we need to be willing and open minded and honest. The type of honesty we are talking about here is self honesty. We must be honest enough to admit that there is a power that is higher than ourselves. It doesn't matter what this power is. The program tells us God as we understood him. It doesn't have to be a God of someone else's belief , but a God of your belief. This is where much confusion comes in the program. As addicts, sometimes we try to push our God and our beliefs about Him onto other addicts.
I have heard some addicts tell another addict to get down on his knees to pray to God without even knowing if that is the God of that addict's understanding. The important thing to remember is that it is a God of your understanding. It could be the God of your childhood or a force, nature, some kind of intelligence or just a rock in the backyard. It is a Higher Power you and you alone can have Faith in. You relate and pray to your Higher Power according to the way you understand Him. The Higher Power you have today may change during ongoing recovery and that's OK, it's your Higher Power. Now let's talk about "over to the care of." One mistake we make when we don't understand this step is that we say "turn it over to God." We leave out the word care. Without the word care we change the entire meaning of the step. Let me give you an example of this. It's Saturday night and you and your wife/husband are going out for the night and have a child, you don't turn your child over to a babysitter, but you turn your child over to the care of a babysitter to watch and guide. When we turn our will and lives to the care of God we do this not to become robots or carbon copies of each other, but to have a Higher Power of our understanding watch and guide our will and lives.
The question has been asked many times, "what is God's will for me?". The answer is simple, God's will for US is to act mature and responsible to the best of our ability, at whatever point of our recovery we are at. God's will for us grows as we grow. If we act mature and responsible to the best of our ability, the outcome of our situation will be as mature and responsible as it can be at that point of recovery. Now, when we turn our lives over to the care of. God as we understood Him, one of two things will happen. Let's took at what these two things are:
When we first came into the program of Narcotics Anonymous We were physically, mentally, and spiritually bankrupt. The first step restored us physically. The second step restored us mentally and the third step restored us spiritually. We must maintain vigilance over these three aspects of our disease. The first to go will be the spiritual, the second to go will be the mental/emotional part of our disease. The next and final will be the physical, the act of picking up again. That is why it is so important to live these steps in our lives, it is the maintenance of our program. If you have no Higher Power try G.O.D., Good Orderly Direction.
One last thing we will talk about is the relationship of the Serenity Prayer to the first three steps. Once we realize the connection between the two, the Serenity Prayer becomes a powerful tool in our lives. Let's take a look at it.
The courage to change the things I can. The second step doing things differently to change the outcome from insane results.
And the results to know the difference. This is the Third Step, doing the mature and responsible thing, not our will.
Write about the following on a separate paper and return so we can go over it.
SPONSOR/SPONSEE FOURTH STEP
WORKSHEET
"We made a searching and fearless
moral inventory of ourselves."
Many of us
sat with a Fourth Step guide and looked at it with fear. We ask
ourselves is this necessary? The purpose of this worksheet is to
prepare us for this step. When we understand this step and why it
must be done, our attitude can be of positive expectation, rather
than one of fear and panic.
Now let's
take a look at what the Fourth Step is about. What is a moral
inventory? Most of us are pretty good at taking an inventory of
someone else without even knowing the facts and motives connected
with that person, but now we are going to take our own inventory,
using self honesty on all the facts and feelings connected with our
attitude, personalities and behaviors. That is exactly what a moral
inventory is. We are going to look at our values and morals
throughout our lives, including now.
When you
begin to write on the topics of your guide, you are not to write
just your personal history, but the feelings connected with the act
as well as the feelings you have about them today. You may ask why
so much concern about feeling? The reason for this is the Fourth
Step is going to introduce you to your real self. The purpose of
this step is not to judge you, but let you become aware of yourself
as you were in your past and how you are today, so you know what
you need to change in your life, attitudes and behavior. This step
will also release the stored up guilt you have been carrying with
you. You will realize you are not responsible for many of the
things you did in your addiction. Your disease is responsible for
that. You will become aware, however, that you are responsible for
recovery. There are no longer excuses, because you realize you must
live the steps daily or you will die spiritually, emotionally and
physically.
The first
three steps gave us a foundation to be able to live life on its own
terms. The steps Four through Nine are the cleansing and release
steps that will give the power to live life. The steps Ten through
Twelve are the maintenance steps, so you can see we can't take any
of the steps lightly. Knowing now that the Fourth Step is the
doorway to the cleansing and release steps, we can go forward with
an attitude of positive expectation for the new life we are growing
into.
You must
begin the Fourth Step by setting the goal and writing daily. Don't
try to write the perfect manuscript. Write as honest as you can and
don't go back over it and edit any of it. If you can't remember
what you wrote, that is OK. It won't hurt to write the same again.
Keep your attitude positive, the purpose of this is for you to get
to know yourself better.
When you
are done with your Fourth Step you will keep it to identify
patterns, defects, shortcomings and amends. You will need this when
working the other cleansing and release steps. As you begin to
write, even though you are doing the work, you are not alone. Your
Higher Power, the N.A. program and the WE of the program are with
you.
Write out
the following questions and answers on a separate paper and return
to your Sponsor:
What is a
moral inventory of ourselves?
What
quality of character must be used in taking an
inventory?
Why is the
Fourth Step so important?
What do
feelings have to do with a Fourth Step?
Why is a
Fourth Step not a history, a confession and a
judgement?.
What will
a Fourth Step do for you?
Are you
responsible for your past?
What are
you responsible for?
When will
you start the Fourth Step and how are you going to do
it?
What are
the Foundation Steps?
What are
the Cleansing and Release Steps?
What are
the Maintenance Steps?
SPONSOR/SPONSEE FIFTH
STEP WORKSHEET
"We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the
exact nature of our wrongs."
The purpose of this worksheet is to prepare you to do your
Fifth Step. Once your Fourth Step is done, don't look at it. Put it
away until you sit down with your Sponsor. Many of us addicts put
off doing the Fifth Step after we finished our Fourth Step because
of fear. This feeling of fear is with us because we don't really
understand the Fifth Step. The reason we are doing a Fifth Step is
to have someone help us know ourselves and give us direction based
on their experience in working a program of recovery. As an addict
it is quite normal to want to isolate and say we can do it alone
and each time we do that we get ourselves in trouble. Remember the
Second Step tells us we must do things differently if we want a
different outcome. We must reach out for trust to be delivered from
the insanity of isolation.
The purpose of sharing your Fourth Step with another person and your Higher Power is not to judge you but to help you know yourself and guide you in areas that you need help. Two of the most important qualities you will get from doing a Fifth Step is open mindedness and willingness. A spiritual awakening you will receive is that you are not unique and different. You find that by sharing your inventory with another addict that they have experienced everything you have, either physically or they have thought about doing it. Many of the people, places, events and circumstances may be different, but the feelings are the same. After doing this Step you will have a must better understanding of the WE of the program. Now is the time to go forward, pray, to the Higher Power of your understanding and set a time to sit with your. NA sponsor to do your Fifth Step.
Write out the
following questions and answers on a separate paper and return to
your sponsor:
Why is it necessary to do the Fifth Step?
Write in the gift I will receive in my recovery from doing
a Fifth Step?
What type of Spiritual Awakening will I receive from the
Fifth Step?